Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Campaign against Squatting

Have you ever received one of those emails that says, in case you are having a bad day, this person's has been worse and here's the story? Then they go into a bunch of stories about other people's bad day on the job...and you usually find yourself wondering if the stories are really true. I received one of those emails today from a co-worker. As I'm thinking to myself, I don't have time for one of "those" emails right now, I continue reading because I know this person tends to email out some funny things. A few sentences into the email, I realized that not only is this story true, but the person that sent the email is actually telling a story about how her day was going today.

This is the email I received (re-printed with permission)

What you are about to read is real. The name has not been changed to protect my identity - this seriously happened to me just one hour ago. Why am I choosing to share it? I guess I'm hoping that if somebody else reads this, they can be armed with knowledge and may not have to suffer this humiliating incident themselves. Also, if you felt your day was going a little south, read this, laugh, forward it on to share with your friends to poke fun at if you like - at least this experience will not have happened to me in

I had to pee. Badly. I walk quickly into the bathroom closest to my cubicle, pick an empty stall, lock the door, drop trow and breathe a sigh of relief. In the first 25 seconds or so that I'm in there, I notice that my ankles feel wet. Confused, I look down, only to discover that my pants have become a sponge for a puddle of liquid on the floor. The back of my pants and pants legs are completely wet. My mind is racing - WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? Was this toilet one of the power flushing variety that had sprayed water all over the stall? I stand up, not wanting to pull my pants all the way up, I hold them about hip high and grab a wad of toilet paper. It's at this point I realize the front of the toilet is ALSO wet. I wipe that off, too. Then, it happened. I glanced down at the wad of paper and it's YELLOW!!!!!! My pants have just absorbed somebody's (some WOMAN'S!!!) pee! What is wrong with people that they just can't sit their a$$es on the seat and go? Don't squat and hope your aim is right, people. SIT and go. And if you MUST squat, notice when you miss, okay? Then clean it up. Promptly.

But it gets better. Oh yes, just when you think it can't get worse, it does. I have to pull the stranger-pee soaked pants up and fasten them, haul a$$ to my desk, and grab my jacket and keys. Luckily my workout clothes are in my car. So I get to walk, pee-soaked clothes (yes, because now the bottom of my shirt is soaking it up from the waistband of my pants) and all, to my car which is seriously a long walk. Then I haul it back into the building to change and - guess what? My security badge that says I work here and am not some random sniper is at my DESK. The guards know me but I don't have a badge to scan, so they cut me a break and let me use the phone to call somebody to bring it down. But now, it's lunch time and everybody I work with is at lunch or away from their desks!

They must have noticed the distress on my face as I stand there, (hoping not to reek of pee), and bestowed pity on me - they gave me a visitor badge so I can get back upstairs.

So here I sit, at my desk, in my black dress sandals, black capri spandex/lycra pants with white stripes down the side, and an oversized baby blue T-shirt. What a sight I must be. I'm sure turning heads, and NOT in the best way possible. Now I'm just waiting to be turned into HR for not having business attire on. That would really cap off my day.

Now, ladies - it is time for some action. I know this isn't the first time this has happened and it probably won't be the last. So, please, I beg you, for your fellow women, please join me in my campaing against squatting. Together we can stop the humiliation of walking around in clothing soaked in another person's urine. Let's not let one more person fall victim to the female germaphobic people of our society.

For those of you who squat while at work, don't. Please sit like the rest of us do. Use the paper protectors if your that worried about it. If there are not paper protectors...DEMAND them. If you must squat, please practice at your own home before you do it in public. Other women should not have to be victim of such humiliation because of your fear of germs.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely, Mickala
Campaign Manager for WASP (Women Against Squatting Peeing)

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